Early Messages: Family and Body Shame
My earliest memory of being Fat comes from my family. As a child, I was often the target of passive-aggressive jokes and snide remarks. My maternal grandmother would criticize my plate while demanding I eat more, while well-meaning relatives advised me to “lay off” certain foods. My mother struggled with her own body image and used weight as a shield against past trauma. Trying to protect me from the anti-fat bias she experienced, she put me on diets and warned that I needed to lose weight to be popular or get a boyfriend. Experiencing early puberty due to PCOS meant I looked much older than my 7th-grade peers, dealing a massive blow to my self-esteem.
Navigating Abuse, School, and Isolation
School was an agonizing experience. Between being Fat, developing early, and attending speech therapy, I carried a target on my back. I faced relentless sexual harassment and physical bullying from boys, only for authority figures to dismiss the behavior as “boys being boys” and blame my clothing choices. When I showed confidence, people accused me of “showing off.” Though my brother fought to protect me, the lack of support left me deeply isolated. By high school, while managing manic depression (now Bipolar 2), the compounding shame from family, school, and society led me to make unsafe choices just to feel accepted and loved.
Surviving Abusive Relationships
Believing no one could truly love a Black, Fat, Femme person, I tolerated mistreatment and dated people who exploited my shame. At nineteen, while balancing a double major and multiple jobs, I met my ex-husband, S. What began as a friendship quickly turned into severe coercive control. He isolated me from loved ones, gaslit me regarding my sexuality and kink interests, and subjected me to emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. When I finally gathered the strength to leave with only my schoolbooks and hidden savings, the reaction from mutual acquaintances was devastating—many blamed me, claiming my body type and sensuality meant I didn’t deserve respect or safety.
The Turning Point and Finding Community
In the aftermath, I spiraled into heavy drinking and depression to numb flashbacks. Moving back to Nashville around my 30th birthday marked a critical turning point. I began taking charge of my physical health by training for a half-marathon with my brother to manage my asthma. However, a blackout night on my 30th birthday—where my core friends stepped in to keep me safe—served as a vital wake-up call. Realizing I needed to heal my mind alongside my body, I committed to trauma therapy, proper psychiatric care, and setting firm boundaries with those around me.
My Calling: Helping You Reclaim Your Pleasure
Unlearning decades of body shame isn’t easy, but taking back my agency transformed my life. Reclaiming my physical and mental health showed me that I wasn’t alone, leading me directly to my calling as a sex and body-neutrality coach.
You do not have to fake confidence, and you do not have to carry the weight of body shame alone. As a Fat, Femme individual, you deserve to seek out pleasure, embrace your sensuality, and navigate both the good and hard days in a safe, supportive space.
My name is MsK. If you are ready to unlearn the bullshit and step into your power, let’s connect. Click below to schedule a chat and see how we can work together toward your goals.
